Over the past few days the Mars Hill elders and their wives had our annual Elder’s Retreat. It was a little different than the previous one we attended. We brought in a speaker, Gary Thomas and his wife. He spoke to us about marriage, which was great. Just like our relationship with God, our relationship with our spouse can always improve. After 16 years of marriage I can still love my wife better, serve her better, and know her more deeply.

One point that Gary made struck me in a pretty profound way. Now I won’t do Gary justice in describing this so you will have to go get his books for yourself, but he talked about God as our father-in-law. We are familiar with the idea of God as our father, but how often do we think of God as our spouse’s father. How does it change the way you think if you know that God is going to ask you; “How have you loved my daughter?” God knows and sees everything. If you fear God you will treat his kids right.

This idea hit me in a little different way though. Andrea’s dad left when she was very young and had a limited role in her life growing up. For me he set very low standard so it didn’t take much effort on my part to appear like a great man in her life. I don’t ever consciously remember comparing myself to Andrea’s dad, but in hindsight I do see an arrogance and self-righteous attitude in my marriage. I had an idea that I was the best thing that ever happened to Andrea. Unfortunately I was looking at the wrong standard. When I look at God as Andrea’s father, I come up short. In fact “short” is a positive spin on my failure to love Andrea the way Jesus loves her.

While it is humbling to see my sin in how I approached my marriage, and a little scary to think that God, as my father-in-law, wants to have a 1-1 conversation on how I treated Andrea the last time she was sick (I’m thinking he’ll be a little like Tony Soprano to get me back in line). I am thankful that He provides me with the perfect example to follow, Jesus.

“Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish.” Ephesians 5:25 – 27

Lately, I’ve heard many stories from men who have issues with their fathers. For me this is not something I can relate to. My dad is not a Christian, but for a dad that doesn’t know Jesus he knocked it out of the park. He did everything you could expect a secular dad to do. My discovery of pornography wasn’t because of my dad, he didn’t physically or emotionally abuse me, and he didn’t get angry at me in a harmful way that still haunts me today. Since he doesn’t know Jesus, he couldn’t be a godly example of a husband and father, but that is my only issue with my dad.

These stories have convicted me to look at kind of father I am. I have four kids, and I do claim to know and love Jesus, so I fail where my father didn’t. I began to wonder what my children will be telling their pastor 20 years from now. This led me to a spontaneous confession and begging for forgiveness of my thirteen year old daughter at the dinner table. It was for an incident more than three years ago where she had accidentally broken something and I was incredibly angry. I thought that this must be a defining moment in our relationship, a scar she had been carrying around. But, no, it wasn’t. I just got a “Dad, whatever! Your freaking me out.”

We have a tendency to have our identity in our sin. “I am an alcoholic,” “I am glutton,” or (and this is my favorite since it covers everything) “That is just the way I am.” Just so you know–this is bad. By doing this, we deny who we are in Jesus. As a Christian, we are a child of God. We are a new creation in Christ. When we give our lives to Jesus we no longer define ourselves by what we were, but who we are in Jesus. We are set free from that sin-identity. Jesus is active in transforming us, we are changing, becoming more like him (2 Corinthians 3:16–18, “But when one turns to the Lord, the veil is removed. Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. And we all, with unveiled face, beholding the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another. For this comes from the Lord who is the Spirit.”). We even can do this in a way that looks righteous. How about “I am an ex-alcoholic,” or “I am a recovered sex-addict?” We still are putting our identity in something other than Jesus.

Now what does this have to do with me and my kids? Not only do we tend to have our identity in our sin, we also put our identity in the sin that is done against us. We are victims. I am this way because of “something.” We live in a broken, sinful world and the “something” can be a harmful physical sins against us, emotional harm done to us, or seemingly trivial events that we can’t escape. In this instance we are innocent victims, we did nothing to deserve the harm against us. It is tragic, but is it okay for us to let that define us? No, Jesus’ redemptive work in us can free us from this victim identity. Our identity still needs to be in Jesus.

Unfortunately, I will sin against my children. If I think by me being a “good” dad my children will grow up without emotional baggage from me, I’ve missed the boat. My kids need to see that they are children of God, clothed in Jesus’ righteousness. And that this status is not because of anything they have done, good or bad, but it is because of what Jesus has done on the cross. Most of all it isn’t anything I’ve done. I will work hard to be a good steward with the kids that God has given me; but my prayer is to do that as a child of God, obedient to Jesus, trusting that he will transform their hearts and their identity will be in Jesus.

]]> http://shoreline.marshillchurch.org/2008/06/27/lasting-impressions/feed/ 0 http://shoreline.marshillchurch.org/2008/02/08/pastor-jd%e2%80%99s-week-in-review/ http://shoreline.marshillchurch.org/2008/02/08/pastor-jd%e2%80%99s-week-in-review/#comments Sat, 09 Feb 2008 02:16:10 +0000 Pastor James Dahlman http://voxpopnetwork.com/shoreline/2008/02/08/pastor-jd%e2%80%99s-week-in-review/ by Pastor JD

In an effort to keep things simple and since everyone loves top ten lists anyway. I give you the top ten things that made my week:

10. I filed my taxes, and I’m getting money back!

9. We had a family movie night (Underdog, the kids loved it).

8. Andrea’s (my wife) beauty is unsurpassed! I can’t stop thinking about her…

7. Anna (2 years-old) wanted to work out with me and cried when mom took her away (she did come back and do sit-ups with me).

6. I went to the Hannah Montana 3D movie with Kyra (13 years-old) and she loved it even though she was the oldest kid there.

5. Nolan (9 years-old) had one of his best basketball games ever.

4. Elijah (4 years-old) participated in the Bible Quiz Off practice for the first time (he says he doesn’t want to do it).

3. I tried gluten free beer and it wasn’t too bad (yes I’m one of those people who can’t have wheat).

2. Did I mention my wife is hot?

1. I ran out of gas for the first time ever… 60 feet from a gas station.

It is interesting in the fact that this is not the devil the Bible defines for us. It is disturbing because it is probably close to what many in our culture believe about Satan (if they believe he exists at all). Unfortunately people have a tendency to elevate Satan and his powers to same level as God. Satan is not all-knowing, he cannot see everything, and he does not rule Hell. These are some of the ideas that show has thrown out there. Why would the devil even care if souls were out killing people anyway? There is however just enough truth sprinkled in to make it plausible… Sound familiar?

The main character of the show is trying to get out of his obligation to the devil. The irony is that there is a real and simple way to escape, it’s Jesus. Somehow I don’t think that will ever come up in the show, but wouldn’t that be a killer finale episode? Jesus shows up and opens a can… But for now the devil is powerful, that is true, and we don’t stand a chance against him without Jesus. Not that he will capture our soul, that isn’t his plan, he is happy if our soul is focused on anything but Jesus. The sad part is that we are pretty good at that without the devil’s help. The one thing the show does get right is that the devil is a liar, twisting the truth always. Since the beginning he takes the truth and changes it just enough to make it a lie. He is the “father of lies” after all (John 8:44).

Pastor JD

What strikes me as I am thinking back on things is the stuff that does not change. How many of us will have the same resolutions in 2008 that we had in 2007? How many of us continually ask forgiveness for the same sins over and over? Why is it so hard to change?

Change is hard, uncomfortable, and for most of us fleeting. By the time we realize it we are so stuck in our bad habits that it is seemingly impossible to change. It would take a miracle, and I cannot find Miracle Max, and the easy fix chocolate pills. Fortunately we have Jesus. He is the only one that can change and transform our hearts. As we lay our bad habits at his feet, exposing them, he can and will enable us to replace those habits with good ones.

Here is the problem. In our microwave, pill-popping, plastic surgery altering culture we are often oblivious to the change Jesus has done. We want the big event, the grand finale. We want the before and after picture right now. My advice to you (and myself) is to listen to the whisper in the wind (1 Kings 19:11 – 13). Look back on 2007 and find the ways that Jesus has changed you. It probably isn’t the major shift you were hoping for, but small movements towards Jesus. A transformation of your heart as he makes you more like him, small events that build on each other. God is steadfast in his love and he is very patient.

Pastor JD

What is a Turkey Trot? I guess it could be whatever you want it to be, but here is the plan for ours. First, everyone arrives at our place around 8:30 am. At 9:00 am we begin the “trot.” In years past this has been a walk, bike, stroller, or wagon ride around the block (about a mile). Last year we cut it a little short because of freezing rain. I expect the “trot” could actually turn into a run of some sort as the years go by and the kids get older, but for now it is a trip around the block, or the “loop” for those of you that want to pretend you are Lynnwood natives.

After our vigorous “trot” we retire back to our house for brunch, or pre-Thanksgiving stomach stretching exercises. We have our Breakfast Casserole (I’m working the recipe each year to make it better: Eggs, sausage, bacon, hash browns, cheese, cream of mushroom soup…), Butterscotch Pull-apart (big cinnamon roll thingy), fruit, coffee, toast, and OJ.

It really isn’t much, but it has been fun so far. Except maybe the spinach-egg-pastry breakfast we had the first year, which the kids refer to in the same tone as their last bout of the flu. The idea behind the whole thing is to build traditions within our family. Andrea and I have figured out that we only have to do something 2 years in a row to have our kids think the we have always done it. We also watch “The Princess Bride,” the night before Thanksgiving. If you ask our kids, we have always done it (for the last 2 years, but don’t tell them). We are building exciting memories that are centered around our family, but they are not just memories, they are an expectation for the future. I’m looking forward to our 20th Turkey Trot when I’m loading my grandkids into their stroller for a trip around the block.

Pastor JD

It’s my daughter’s birthday. My firstborn… Kyra. Yes, I know birthdays are supposed to be a celebration. But like a werewolf, transforming from a man to wolf, Kyra is making a transformation herself. She will be 13. She is transforming into one of the most feared, misunderstood beings ever, a teenager! Do I fear the challenges of the years to come, maybe. Do I dread the day that she moves out of my home, yes. She is very precious to me and I see the day coming all too fast that I will have to give her away. As Kyra crosses these milestones it makes me feel like an old man. I am too young to have a teenage daughter!

What also frightens me is that I couldn’t figure out teenage girls when I was teenager. I am not sure I can do it now either. Luckily my wife informed me that she was once 13, which gives her great insight into what makes up a teenage girl. Whew! I don’t have to do it alone. Just like all horror movies the monster is dead we can all relax. Hold on the monster is getting back up. What is it saying? “Your still old!” Unfortunately that nightmare is still a reality.

Pastor JD

I actually have another word for it, but I’ll refrain. Most of the time the best moments aren’t planned, they just happen. How can I make sure that I am there for those things? If I increase the time that I spend with someone the odds that a “quality” event happens increase. The key here isn’t quality, it is quantity. The more time I spend with my kids the more I will experience them. I will be there when they have a question, fall, score a goal, draw a great picture, learn Spanish, make a silly face, burp the alphabet, whatever it is.

So back to my Daddy Dates. Which I really need a better name for when I take the boys out. There is no agenda except to increase the time that I spend with them. They have determined that it is the perfect time for us to go to Dairy Queen, and I am diligently working my way through all the Blizzard flavors. Nothing earth shattering yet, just lots of fun (and ice cream). Below is a photo I took with my phone of my daughter Anna the last time we went out.

Pastor JD

• I’m coaching Elijah’s 4 -5 year-old soccer team. I’m sure you have heard the term ‘herding cats’. Well this is more like herding professional wrestlers. When one falls down they all go down on top of each other.

• Kyra turns 13 in a month. That’s right a teenager. She is beautiful and I love her… A belated apology to my Mom and Dad.

• Anna is two and she is as disobedient as she is beautiful. What a deadly combination.

• Nolan, Elijah and I went to our first Monster Truck show. We are officially white-trash, and who really cares if you are driving a 1,500 hp truck.

• MH|Shoreline is getting ready to kick off our first evening services this fall, which is pretty exciting.

• Andrea has now run a 5k and a 10k this summer. It is not uncommon for me to hear comments like “How did a guy like that ever get a girl like that.”, or “He must have a lot of money”.

• I found out I need hearing aides, but they cost an arm and a leg. So I just nod my head a lot and agree with people.

I hope to write more as fall comes and our family gets more into a regular schedule. As if you didn’t read enough useless info in a day.

Pastor JD

It is about the request in the beginning of the show that came over the speakers, loud and clear so everyone could hear it. “No flash photography, and no recording equipment.” Just like your typically ride at Disneyland. Seems like easy instructions to follow, right? Wrong! Every time a new dinosaur came out the flashes rained down. It was like a dinosaur dance party with a strobe light. On top of that looking down the rows in front of me I could see numerous LCD screens from camcorders and cell phones. I had a really hard time enjoying myself with all this going on.

I could rant about a few things, but to keep my sanity let’s just concentrate on the blatant disregard to authority that was displayed. I could not believe that so many people came to the same conclusion at the same time. The conclusion that the rules did not apply to them. Unfortunately this behavior is highly indicative of our culture (at least in the Seattle area). The idea of what might be right for you, is not necessarily right for me. We like this idea (although it usually isn’t as blatant as flashes of light in a dark room) because it allows us to do what we want. You have no right to tell me what is truth. This however is not truth at all, it is just an excuse to do what we want. Jesus is truth, and he is in authority over all things, including you and I. That is probably why some of us resist Jesus, we do not want to give up our “freedom” to do as we please.

Pastor JD