RG BLOG by Pastor Kerry Michaelis

I began to doubt: was I a Christian, or not? Was God listening and just not answering, or what?

I had grown up in Christian home and had professed a faith in Christ. Professed faith, yes; actually trusted, well, not so much. God didn’t seem to be stepping up and answering my prayers. In fact, I seemed to sin and struggle more and more. The more I prayed and asked God to free me from temptation and to give me willpower to say ‘no’ to sin, the more I found myself asking for forgiveness, because I sinned. Was I a Christian? Was God refusing to help?

Over time, I began to realize that I had been viewing God as someone who was there for me, ready to answer my prayers, and to meet my needs as I saw them. You know, like Psalm 46:1 says, “a very present help in trouble.” Or as others have said, a sky fairy awaiting my next wish, a vending machine ready to dispense at my request – you get the idea.

Turns out I had quite a low view of God. God is eternal and preceded me, preceded creation, and will remain long after my body has returned to the dust. His word tells me that before the foundations of the earth, I was chosen (Eph 1:4), that my days were numbered (Job 14:5), and that he knows me better than I know myself (Matthew 10:30).

My story began at my birth and will end at my death; God’s story is one of creation to new creation. He invites me to be a part of the story of redemption that he is working out for purposes I can barely fathom, but which include glory for him and joy for me.

When I take a step back from the chaos in my life and see that I’m a part of God’s bigger story, that it encompasses my life, that like the grass I am here today and gone tomorrow, I can rest assured because his story and his word remain forever.

In Philippians 3:7-11, Paul says it this way, “But whatever gain I had, I counted as loss for the sake of Christ. Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which comes through faith in Christ, the righteousness from God that depends on faith – that I may know him and the power of his resurrection, and may share his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, that by any means possible I may attain the resurrection from the dead.”