by Pastor JD

Lately, I’ve heard many stories from men who have issues with their fathers. For me this is not something I can relate to. My dad is not a Christian, but for a dad that doesn’t know Jesus he knocked it out of the park. He did everything you could expect a secular dad to do. My discovery of pornography wasn’t because of my dad, he didn’t physically or emotionally abuse me, and he didn’t get angry at me in a harmful way that still haunts me today. Since he doesn’t know Jesus, he couldn’t be a godly example of a husband and father, but that is my only issue with my dad.

These stories have convicted me to look at kind of father I am. I have four kids, and I do claim to know and love Jesus, so I fail where my father didn’t. I began to wonder what my children will be telling their pastor 20 years from now. This led me to a spontaneous confession and begging for forgiveness of my thirteen year old daughter at the dinner table. It was for an incident more than three years ago where she had accidentally broken something and I was incredibly angry. I thought that this must be a defining moment in our relationship, a scar she had been carrying around. But, no, it wasn’t. I just got a “Dad, whatever! Your freaking me out.”

We have a tendency to have our identity in our sin. “I am an alcoholic,” “I am glutton,” or (and this is my favorite since it covers everything) “That is just the way I am.” Just so you know–this is bad. By doing this, we deny who we are in Jesus. As a Christian, we are a child of God. We are a new creation in Christ. When we give our lives to Jesus we no longer define ourselves by what we were, but who we are in Jesus. We are set free from that sin-identity. Jesus is active in transforming us, we are changing, becoming more like him (2 Corinthians 3:16–18, “But when one turns to the Lord, the veil is removed. Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. And we all, with unveiled face, beholding the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another. For this comes from the Lord who is the Spirit.”). We even can do this in a way that looks righteous. How about “I am an ex-alcoholic,” or “I am a recovered sex-addict?” We still are putting our identity in something other than Jesus.

Now what does this have to do with me and my kids? Not only do we tend to have our identity in our sin, we also put our identity in the sin that is done against us. We are victims. I am this way because of “something.” We live in a broken, sinful world and the “something” can be a harmful physical sins against us, emotional harm done to us, or seemingly trivial events that we can’t escape. In this instance we are innocent victims, we did nothing to deserve the harm against us. It is tragic, but is it okay for us to let that define us? No, Jesus’ redemptive work in us can free us from this victim identity. Our identity still needs to be in Jesus.

Unfortunately, I will sin against my children. If I think by me being a “good” dad my children will grow up without emotional baggage from me, I’ve missed the boat. My kids need to see that they are children of God, clothed in Jesus’ righteousness. And that this status is not because of anything they have done, good or bad, but it is because of what Jesus has done on the cross. Most of all it isn’t anything I’ve done. I will work hard to be a good steward with the kids that God has given me; but my prayer is to do that as a child of God, obedient to Jesus, trusting that he will transform their hearts and their identity will be in Jesus.