I recently spent a weekend at my alma mater in the middle of a cornfield in rural Indiana. My 10-year college reunion approached with rapid stride and without realizing it, I had become the alumnus that, as a college student, I would have labeled “old”. I never managed to make it to the alumni nametag table, and so didn’t officially pin myself with old-lady-visitor status, but I knew that the current students looked at me just as I had looked at my predecessors 10-plus years ago; I wasn’t fooling anyone.

The cool thing is that I didn’t want to fool anyone. I am happy to be me. Now this may sound trite and surface, but I really mean it and in truth, this is an enormous statement for me to make. Much of my life has found me wishing I were someone else: I have desired to look different, to have different life circumstances, different acquaintances, different skills and abilities, a different house, whatever. I’ve long put on the façade that I’m brimming with self-confidence, but it’s only to conceal the truth that I have been self-consumed and dissatisfied.

The process of turning from the sinfulness of selfishness is an (unfinished) novel in and of itself, so I won’t attempt to blog that in detail, but the nut-sized version is that God used a series of life events–starting about four years ago–to begin turning my heart toward him and away from the self-absorbed, selfish being that I had become. He has brought me to a place where I am learning to surrender my society-formed perceptions of self, and I am learning to hold fast to the love of Jesus and to the cross: Jesus’ sacrifice that defines my true identity. The journey is a redemptive process…

In honesty, as the reunion date approached, I found myself longing to lose just a few more pounds, hoping I wouldn’t break out in a flurry of facial blemishes and desiring for someone to offer me a large shopping spree so I could outfit myself in something impressive. However, by God’s grace, the process that he had begun in me continued, and as I stepped into the first interactions with my former college peers, I was overwhelmed by the softness of my heart and the transparency of my words. Conversations tumbled over each other in pleasant succession as my classmates and I shared amazement over the changes God has brought to our lives, and the transformation he has brought to our hearts. The sweet honesty between us hovered almost tangibly, and I felt total awe at a Creator who would choose to offer such beautiful gifts of friendship to his sinful, fallen creatures. Throughout my life I have spent countless hours enjoying good conversations, but these were some of the first that literally led me to worship on the spot. I am shallow, but Jesus runs deep and true; one amazing thing about redemption is that it not only enables negative tendencies to transform and give glory to God, but it also allows us-fallen beings-to find joy in the process of glorifying.

I thought my 10-year college reunion would be a fragmented piece of my journey: a disconnected piece of my life, filed in a solitary folder within the chronological order of my experiences. But what a joy to find that the work that Jesus is doing in my daily life is real and transforming. His work in me transcends chronological time and surrounds me in its fluidity. Jesus is in our past, in our present in our future; redeeming all things for his glory!